Dave in "Pokemon! I choose you!"
by Psychotic Pikachu
Summary: Dave, a normal, well semi-normal kid, is forced to become the main charecter of pokemon. In this Chapter! The Ash's mom and Professor Oak sex tape! Dave gets a horny Pikachu! Professor Oak Finds his condoms! Dave gets crapped on by a Houou! My favorite ch


Dave sat in facination as he watched a Gengar and a Nidorino battle it out on the screen. "Hey, I already know the outcome of this fight! Where the hell's the phone, I need to call my bookie." Dave said looking around the room. All of a sudden Mrs. Ketchem came in.  
  
"Ash, it's time for bed."  
  
"Um, I'm not Ash, I'm Dave."  
  
"Then where's my Ash?"  
  
"Actually, he was killed in a freak accident involving Mewtwo..."  
  
"Oh...oh well, he didn't call home or anything anyway, he deserved it the little shit..." Dave sighed.   
"Anyway, if you are not going to bed heres a tape Professor Oak told me to give to Ash, you can have it." Mrs. Ketchem said. She tossed him a tape. Dave read the label.   
  
"Marium and Oak, sex tape..." Dave read aloud. He looked over at her.   
  
"Oops, that tape was for me, here's the real tape." she said handing him the beginner's guide to pokemon. She then went downstairs to watch her tape. Dave sighed, put that tape into the V.C.R. and began to watch.  
  
Daybreak,  
  
A Dodrio perched on a fence began to cry out. "Shut up!" Dave yelled and chucked his alarm clock out the window. The Dodrio fell to the ground uncouncious. "Oh no, I'm late, who would've saw that one coming?" Dave said sarcastically. He looked over at his bed where his clothes were laid out for him. He blinked. "I am not wearing Ash's geeky costume." he said.  
  
*You'll wear it and like it*  
  
"Damn censor." Dave muttered and put on the clothes. He raced out the door.  
  
"Gary, Gary, he's our man, if he can't do it, nobody can!" yelled a group of yound ladies. Dave sighed as he shoved his way through the croud to get to the lab.   
  
"Hey, watch where you're going!" yelled Gary, he looked at Dave. "Why if it isn't Ash."  
  
"I'm not Ash!" Dave protested.  
  
"Sure you aren't Ash, anyway you're late and I already have a pokemon!" he said.  
  
"And I could care less, now get the hell out of my way."  
  
"Have you seen my beautiful fans yet?" he asked directed towards the car filled with his followers.  
  
"Yes, I saw your cult, now move!"  
  
"Hey Gary, when do we get paid?" asked a cheerleader. Gary motioned for her to shut up. Dave quickly ran into the lab.  
  
Inside Gary found Professor Oak unzipping his fly. "Uh, Oak?" he asked. Professor Oak turned around.  
"Uh...hi, um Ash right?"  
  
"I'm Dave you old reatrded seinor citizen!"  
  
"Right...well why dont you go ahead and choose a pokemon."  
  
"Fine..." Dave said. All of a sudden he made himself sound really geaky and have a high-pitched voice.   
"Gee willikers Mr. Oak, I'd like a Charmander cuz he's so cutttteee!" Dave picked up the pokeball and chucked it. He also chucked the one for Bulbasur and the one for Squirtle. Charmander and Squirtle were empty but Bulbasaurs had a small white package inside.  
  
"So thats where my condoms went..." said Oak picking up the package. Dave screamed really loud   
  
"Give me a Pokemon old man!!" Oak quickly dug into his pocket.   
  
"Here, take this Pikachu and get the hell outta here, jeez." said Oak hurrying him out the door. Dave heard a feminant voice yell.  
  
"Almost ready honey?"  
  
"Coming Marium." said Oak and ran into the back.  
  
Dave looked at the little Pikachu on the ground. It's extreme cuteness made him sick. It seemed to dislike him. Dave looked at it. "Ok, look, I don't need you, I already have Clefairy, if you want to come along then fine." Pikachu shocked him. He sighed. "How did Ash do this? Oh yeah!" he quickly picked up a stone and chucked it at a Spearow. The bird pokemon turned around. "Pikachu did it!" yelled Dave pointing at the small pokemon. Pikachu screamed and ran. Soon a large flock of Spearow gave chase. Pikachu was trying his best to outrun them, Dave was laughing his ass off. "I'll help you if you'll come with me" he cried out to it. Pikachu gave a nod. Dave smiled and brought out Clefairy. "Ok, the pokemon of the main charecter have the ability to win every battle...so win." said Dave. Clefair ynodded and took down all the Spearow with one hit. Pikachu came running back. Dave smiled and continued on.  
  
Later,  
  
"Hey, how do you get to Viridian?" he asked a spiky red-haired girl.  
  
"Past the 2nd star and onward toward midnight."  
  
"No, that's peter pan."  
  
"Through the woods...hey wait a minute... DAVE!? Is that you?!"   
  
"Run Pikachu!" Dave screamed as Misty ran after them, arms outstretched.  
  
Later Still,  
  
Dave looked over at his fallen partner. They both smiled. Dave looked around. "Um, why are we on the ground?" he then looked to pikachu whose smile had become a large grin. Dave then noticed the bottle of vodka next to him. Then he saw his pants were on backwards. "Oh dear god no!!" he yelled. Just then a giant golden bird flew over the rainbow. It took a crap on Dave's head. "Damnit!" Dave yelled, "Why me!?"  
  
  



End file.
